IMPOSTER SYNDROME.

I currently have 33 drafts of blog post seating in my draft folder as I’m writing this. Why I don’t post them you might ask- Well that’s a good question! I ask myself that question everyday! If you are an OG on here since 2018, you may remember that I used to post religiously both on here and on my socials. Well, that is until I started dealing with this thing called “Imposter Syndrome”. You’ve probably seen someone on social media talked about this term before! If you haven’t, here’s how Oxford languages defines imposter syndrome- “the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills”. In order word, the imposter syndrome gets you in this cycle where you stop doing the things that you usually do due to self-doubt and the thought of being a fraud amongst other things. In my case, I felt like my content was very repetitive and predictable…

When IT all started…

Is it okay to blame everything on the pandemic? Even though it doesn’t make sense because I was creating content a lot throughout the pandemic. However, once I had to go back in the world, it felt overwhelming. I felt like I didn’t have time to create great contents. And as a perfectionist, let me tell you, it’s really hard! If I don’t think a content is good enough, I won’t post it. Or if the ending of a post draft is not as strong as the beginning, I won’t post it either. The struggle is real friends! I remember reading Rihanna’s Vogue interview where she talked about the pressure she puts on herself when it comes to music. In her words: “if it’s not better than that (speaking of her last album- Anti) then it is not even worth it”! That is exactly how I feel about my posts and creating contents in general. I am by no means comparing myself to Rihanna! However, this goes to show that this is something that a lot of us deals with.

Creating contents bring me so much joy! However, once I felt that my content was becoming repetitive and predictable, I slowly stopped creating altogether. I was also entering a new chapter in my life where I needed to focus on other things such as personal development, relationship and career. Therefore, I took a step back to reevaluate my priorities and decided to put content creation on the back burner for a couple weeks. Weeks became months, and months became years. I just felt like I was stuck and didn’t know how to get out of this rut. I missed it every single day, I would post something here and there, however, it wasn’t consistent.

THAT feeling.

Every time that I would go post a new blog or some type of content on IG, I would start second guessing myself; which would result in no post at all. Although there were other reasons why I would not post, the feeling that my content was not good enough would always take the lead. I would wonder if people would even read my posts and interact with them. Even when several people would tell me how much they love my website and think that my posts were interesting, I could not bring myself to believe them.

This was not only happening with my content creation, but also with school. A few months ago, I got an email stating that I had been chosen for a Black Scholar award at my school, URI. I told myself that it was probably a scam because 1, I have never heard of that committee; And 2, I wondered why would I receive an award. I did not think that I deserved it. Even when I went to the award ceremony with my family by my side, I felt so out of place. I was asking myself why was I even there. Sad, I know right! But that’s how I was feeling! I was so blinded by imposter syndrome that I could even see, at the time, that I belong in that room. My hard work, personality and dedication to my community had earned me that spot in the room.

Breaking out the imposter syndrome…

Lately, I’m trying to be more kind to myself and give myself some grace. Although I want to get back into the swing of things, I haven’t been pressuring myself to create and I feel like writing just comes easier to me. I am learning that I belong wherever that I may be, because I worked hard to be where I am at. And I deserve everything that I have, because like I said, I worked hard for this ish. I am taking the time to celebrate all my wins, no matter how small they might be. Something as simple as just finishing up a blog post or submitting my final paper for my grad class.

Another way I’m trying to break out of the imposter syndrome circle is to use social media mindfully. We can all agree that social media can be a good thing when you use it mindfully. However, it can also be very detrimental to your health when used mindlessly. Now I set screen limits, not only on my actual phone but also on certain social media platforms that I use frequently. For instance, I love using instagram because it’s fun, relatable (in some cases) and I always learn something new. With that being said, the toxicity on this app is real, with bullying, drama and comparison amongst other things. Therefore, knowing when to unfollow and/or block certain people, and just take a break from the app is imperative when it comes to combat imposter syndrome.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE <3

If like me, you find yourself dealing with imposter syndrome at times, remember that you are NOT alone. Remember that you are pretty amazing, cool, intelligent, a bada$$ who deserves everything that you have because you have worked so hard for it. Take time for yourself and do not be afraid to turn off the noise when needed; whatever that “noise” might be for you. Put yourself first; self-care is NOT selfish. Take time to celebrate your wins and to enjoy the present moment. Also, remember to ask for help when you need it the most because you are not alone!

Let’s be friends on Instagram @smileymaruth , I post a lot of encouraging, motivating, inspiring words on my stories and feed.

𝑆𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑙𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡!

Xoxo 

♥︎𝑺𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒚𝑴𝒂𝒓𝒖𝒕𝒉♥︎